Friend, this post isn’t easy for me to write. But I believe the Lord is asking me to share it, not for sympathy, but because His faithfulness deserves to be seen, even through my tears. This is my story of my miscarriage, my miracle, and God’s mercy. It’s a story full of loss. But it’s also full of hope and God’s sovereignty.
When Grief Came Unexpectedly
My Miscarriage, My Miracle, and God’s Mercy
The photo below carries more weight than most people realize. I was nine months pregnant with my oldest daughter, my miracle girl. But what few people know is that she was a twin.
Early in my pregnancy, I began experiencing heavy bleeding and painful contractions. My doctor told me what I already feared. I was having a miscarriage.
The grief that followed was unbearable. I miscarried at home (in the toilet), too afraid to look, too heartbroken to process what was happening. I mourned quietly, feeling like part of me had been ripped away.
Weeks later, though, something still didn’t feel right. I told my husband, Steven, that I couldn’t shake the sense that I was still pregnant. We had not been intimate, yet every doctor I called refused to see me. They said it would take weeks for my body to “reset.”
But I needed answers.
So we went to a private 3D ultrasound clinic. The technician was amazing, I’ll never forget the gentleness and care she took of me and my circumstance. She began scanning, and I braced myself for emptiness.
And then — there she was. A tiny baby.
Heartbeat strong and steady. Our daughter had survived and was measuring about 6 weeks and 3 days!
My Miracle Girl
The birth of my daughter was not an easy one. I planned on a natural birth with a midwife hospital unit. I was in labor for 25 hours and ended up needing an emergency cesarean section after her heart rate went down. There’s nothing like a team of doctors rushing in the room after hearing multiple monitors going off. Nurse after nurse would push on and rub my belly to stimulate my daughter and get her moving. I’m thankful that there was enough time for our pastor to come and pray with us before being wheeled into the emergency room.
Hearing her cry was the sound of joy, relief and pain all wrapped up into one emotion. Joy for her birth and blessing of her arrival. Relief that she had been saved, now twice! And pain because I was still grieving the loss of her twin.
My husband and I chose a very fitting name, Kimyiah Faith, which means miracle faith. We spelled it differently from the original spelling (Kimaya or Keemaya) and changed the suffix to “iah”, which is similar to biblical names like Isaiah, Jeremiah, etc. Plus my name is kinda in it too, but it is definitely pronounced KEE, not KIM.
She is definitely a fighter and is every bit the reminder of God’s mercy that her name declares.
It took me years, until 2021, to really process everything. It was hard for me to even talk to my husband about it and I cried every time I thought about that loss. I couldn’t even bring myself to tell family members until the following year in 2022.
Even now, sometimes my daughter says, “I wish my twin were here.” And I always say, “Me too, sweet girl. Me too.” Even thought we don’t know the gender of her twin, the two of us decided to come up with a name together. Prior to this I always struggled coming up with a name, but providentially, my daughter and I came up with Micaiah Corban after hearing it while reading Scripture.
Micaiah means “Who is Like Yahweh” and was used in the Bible as both a female and male name. Corban means “offering or devoted to God as a gift“. We both love this name! It is so fitting and brings comfort to us both.
Clinging to Christ Through Grief
Clinging to Christ is all I have. When I think about My Miscarriage, My Miracle, and God’s Mercy, the truth that sustains me each day is simple yet unshakable:
“Christ is our hope in life and death.”
No matter what we face, no matter what we lose, Jesus remains enough. He is the steady anchor in every storm. What I remind my daughter of every single time we talk about her twin is that he or she is safe, resting in the arms of Christ and we will see them again. We have a hope and a future in Christ, our Blessed Hope.
If you’ve walked through miscarriage or loss, please know this – you are not alone. God sees you. He knows your pain. And He is still sovereign and good. The song “Christ Our Hope in Life and Death” by Keith and Kristyn Getty has been, and continually is, a great comfort to me. I encourage you to listen to it often.
A Resource That Helped Me Heal
A book that has helped me recently is Beyond the Shadows: A Theology of Suffering and Hope by John Kuykendall. It’s a deeply biblical reminder that our suffering is never wasted in God’s hands.
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If you’re in a season of grief, I encourage you to read it slowly, prayerfully, and with your Bible open beside you.
More Resources On Grief
As I share My Miscarriage, My Miracle, and God’s Mercy, I want to also provide biblical resources where mom’s who are grieving the loss of a child (no matter what stage of loss) can come and find Christ centered comfort.
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A Prayer for the Brokenhearted
Lord, thank You that You are near to the brokenhearted. Thank You that no loss, no grief, and no unanswered question is beyond Your care. Help me to rest in Your sovereignty, to trust that Your ways are higher than mine, and to cling to the hope that one day, every tear will be wiped away. Amen.
📜 Download a free printable of this prayer and Scripture from Psalm 34:18 to keep near your quiet time space or Bible journal.
Trusting God When Dreams Change
Eight years ago, I experienced another life-altering trial. Postpartum cardiomyopathy, a rare heart condition that caused heart failure just five days after giving birth to my youngest daughter. Because of it, I can’t safely have more children.
That’s a story I’ll share in full soon, but for now, I simply want to say this: Even when the Lord closes doors we long to walk through, His plans are still good.
God has given me three beautiful children to hold, and one waiting for me in heaven. That is grace upon grace.
In an upcoming post, I’ll be sharing about my journey through postpartum cardiomyopathy and how God used it to deepen my trust in His goodness.
Until then, may the story of My Miscarriage, My Miracle, and God’s Mercy remind you: even in loss, even in pain, Christ is still enough. 💛
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I am so glad you were helped reading my book. May God continue to richly bless you!